As I moved away from the wall to look at the painting, a man came into the gallery.
“Call that art it’s a load of **** my ****** three year old could do better than that you stupid cow” he shouted.
“Get out! We are not open yet go away! ” Sarah retorted loudly.
I stood watching him walk out cussing and hurling more abuse as he left. I was stunned and my eyes filled with tears. This was my first exhibition and it had taken such a leap of faith to show my work in public .For nine months I had being working towards this moment selecting the paintings and getting the event organised; planning, marketing, arranging help with transport, and all the other the necessary details to ensure the exhibition went smoothly.
His words stung and all my insecurities came to the surface. I felt paralyzed with fear and self-doubt. This was far too exposing to cope with. My work though vibrant and colourful is also very subjective, and now the thought of exhibiting was like baring my soul. The first thought was to escape and retreat to the safe seclusion of painting in my own environment. To shut myself away so there was no need to engage with the world.
Sarah put her arm around me “It’s ok, he just an idiot, come on let’s get these paintings hung “
I looked at the painting Mandala one of my personal favourites. I remembered while I worked on it how it became a visual prayer .The elation I had felt when combining the dynamic reds, yellows and blues juxtaposing and coming together as a whole. While painting a sense of flowing connection to the Divine had emerged the painting was infused with uplifting energy that radiated out from the surface.
I breathed deeply and listened internally for guidance. I knew then that all was well.
We finished hanging the rest of the paintings and over the next week, the exhibition proved to be both enjoyable and successful. Visitors were openly enthusiastic and appreciative of the work. Paintings sold and clients commissioned pieces.
I learnt how to distance myself from criticism and not take it personally. Equally, I began to accept praise without resorting to apology or negating peoples’ gifts.
Mandala was in the centre of the exhibition and caught people’s attention as they entered the room. One woman came every day during her lunch hour for the entire week and stood in front this painting for about ten minutes. “I have been feeling depressed recently but coming to look at this painting has made me feel more positive and grateful for all that is good in my life,” she said on the last day of the exhibition.
Again, tears came but this time those of joy…
“The creative process is a cocktail of instinct, skill, culture and a highly creative feverishness. It is not like a drug; it is a particular state when everything happens very quickly,a mixture of consciousness and unconsciousness, of fear and pleasure” Francis Bacon
This first exhibition was a mountain of challenge. It brought opportunity as well as valuable lessons on how to overcome the crippling effects of fear-to face fear and criticism head on by staying true to one’s vision and move forward step by step.
Art is one of the sources through which the soul expresses itself and inspires others...